My Heavenly Father,
It is now 608 days since the surgery. I am grateful for Your blessing that the surgery was successful to remove the cancer. I am so sorry I have not done all that I can or should to relate my experience. I ask for Your forgiveness and ask for Your guidance and strength to help me stay more focused. I do not want to continue on this path of apathy and indifference.
I thank You for giving me a new life.
I thank You for giving me the opportunity to be a good son.
I thank You for giving me the opportunity to be a good husband.
I thank You for blessing me with Divine health and long life.
I thank You for guiding me to those who are in need of my experiences.
I am ready to resume the walk that I started.

I make effort not to spend too much time in thought; but, there have been moments in which I brood about how this cancer episode attacked me.
Was it something I ate or not eaten?
Was it something I did or not do?
Was it something in the environment?
I do know if I spend too much time brooding about it, I am certain it it affect my health in a seriously negative way.

I am grateful it was found in time.
I am grateful for the medical technology to fight back.
I am grateful to God for sparing my life.
I am grateful for family and friends.

I tried on several occasions to continue the chronology of events from the initial discovery of the prostate cancer to the time of my surgery. I am here to say that was a quiet failure. I have decided to simply recall the events in random order as I am in the mood to write about them. I will also write about stuff that is on my mind for the moment, day, week. I felt rather bad that I was not more diligent in any of my three blogs. I intend for this year to be much better in regards for my writing.

It has been 510 days since I had the surgery to remove my prostate. I am so grateful to be alive and I am sorry that I have not shown better sense of gratitude. I intend for this year to be much better in regards for my writing.

Today is my first year marker since my surgery to remove the cancerous prostate gland. In reflection, I seriously failed in my effort to detail the events chronologically. I simply let it fall to the sidelines. I am grateful that God did keep me well for this past year. I am thankful for the upcoming year. I will strive to do better with the blog and hopefully be a blessing to someone.

I expect a long and prosperous life.

13 April 2010

The voicemail from the nurse said to call the doctor.
I knew it was in regard to the biopsy I just experienced.
I was sitting alone in the bedroom using the cellphone when the doctor explained the result with a professional and friendly tone.
Of the twelve biopsy samples taken, four tested positive for cancer in my prostate.
The doctor also explained the level of cancer was not aggressive.
As he continued to provide the necessary details, I was no longer listening to him; but, only hearing his voice.
My mind was frozen at the four of twelve tested positive for cancer.
With my free hand, I rubbed my forehead and became quite aware of the tingly weakness in both of my biceps spreading to my shoulders and hands.
It was a struggle to focus my effort to listen to the doctor.
Next he asked for me to meet him as soon as possible to discuss my treatment options to fight the cancer.
I responded that I could see him the next day in the afternoon.
He accepted my availability and I thanked him.
I hung up then sat still for another few moments.
Both cliched questions and fragmented thoughts gathered in my mind.
A heavy shell of numbess settled on me.
I stood up with slow deliberation and could still feel the tingly weakness in my arms.
Each step was labored and my breathing was slow and deep.
I walked the length of the hallway to the kitchen and living room.

What do I say to my wife and parents?
How do I tell them?

29 March 2010.

It was the day for the biopsy.

Even though the urologist previously detailed what the procedure would be, I was still anxiously curious.

My Dad and my wife came along with me.

We sat quietly in the waiting room for my turn.

My thoughts raced into several different directions when I saw the assistant open the door then call my name.

I followed him and listened to him give last minute details as we walked the hall to the exam room.

The aide gave me a gown to put on after disrobing.

I tried to think of something humorous in relation to hospital gowns; but, nothing formed.

The urologist came into the room and prepared for the procedure.

He spoke about every step he was doing and what to expect for the next.

When the local anesthetic took effect, the urologist started taking the tissue samples from my prostate to indentify the anomoly.

The urologist said he would be taking only 12 samples.

The first four samples felt like a minor pinch of pressure.

I tried to relax when I heard the clicking sound from the biopsy gun.

The local anesthesia faded rapidly and I felt the needle take samples 5 and 6.

The stinging sensation was too unusual to be macho about, so my body automatically jerked and I involuntarily groaned.

The urologist said for the assistant to give more local anesthetic and he sincerly apologized for my discomfort.

I did not feel any different after the assistant gave me more local.

The urologist continued the sample extraction.

The pressure of the needle and the click from the biopsy gun was not intimidating now.

The final sample extraction was greeted with mental fireworks of Ren & Stimpy's Happy Happy Joy Joy, and Calvin & Hobbes Happy Dance.

After I was dressed, the assistant escorted me back to the waiting room to my Dad and wife.

I immediately noticed I did not have the stereotypical comedic waddle walk.

I felt the local numbness dissolve away on the ride home.

A different numbess tried to take hold as the waiting for the results for the biopsy results began.

The second blood test indicated the PSA was still elevated.
My doctor was not pleased about it.
He explained the cause could be of any of several problems.
His recommendation for a biopsy made my biceps weak.
I sensed the strength of my grip dissolve.
He explained the procedure for the biopsy.
The solemnity of this situation grew exponentially at the conclusion of the appointment.
I increased my focus for composure and pressed away the tension.
He did ask if I had any questions and I forced a shallow smile and replied I could not think of any.
I struggled to think of any question of importance to the situation.
I did not want the doctor to have the impresssion I am becoming fearful or aloof.
He tried to assure me that my situation was not typical.
My situation is typical in older men; not one in their mid forties.

Well, I was never typical...