13 April 2010

The voicemail from the nurse said to call the doctor.
I knew it was in regard to the biopsy I just experienced.
I was sitting alone in the bedroom using the cellphone when the doctor explained the result with a professional and friendly tone.
Of the twelve biopsy samples taken, four tested positive for cancer in my prostate.
The doctor also explained the level of cancer was not aggressive.
As he continued to provide the necessary details, I was no longer listening to him; but, only hearing his voice.
My mind was frozen at the four of twelve tested positive for cancer.
With my free hand, I rubbed my forehead and became quite aware of the tingly weakness in both of my biceps spreading to my shoulders and hands.
It was a struggle to focus my effort to listen to the doctor.
Next he asked for me to meet him as soon as possible to discuss my treatment options to fight the cancer.
I responded that I could see him the next day in the afternoon.
He accepted my availability and I thanked him.
I hung up then sat still for another few moments.
Both cliched questions and fragmented thoughts gathered in my mind.
A heavy shell of numbess settled on me.
I stood up with slow deliberation and could still feel the tingly weakness in my arms.
Each step was labored and my breathing was slow and deep.
I walked the length of the hallway to the kitchen and living room.

What do I say to my wife and parents?
How do I tell them?

29 March 2010.

It was the day for the biopsy.

Even though the urologist previously detailed what the procedure would be, I was still anxiously curious.

My Dad and my wife came along with me.

We sat quietly in the waiting room for my turn.

My thoughts raced into several different directions when I saw the assistant open the door then call my name.

I followed him and listened to him give last minute details as we walked the hall to the exam room.

The aide gave me a gown to put on after disrobing.

I tried to think of something humorous in relation to hospital gowns; but, nothing formed.

The urologist came into the room and prepared for the procedure.

He spoke about every step he was doing and what to expect for the next.

When the local anesthetic took effect, the urologist started taking the tissue samples from my prostate to indentify the anomoly.

The urologist said he would be taking only 12 samples.

The first four samples felt like a minor pinch of pressure.

I tried to relax when I heard the clicking sound from the biopsy gun.

The local anesthesia faded rapidly and I felt the needle take samples 5 and 6.

The stinging sensation was too unusual to be macho about, so my body automatically jerked and I involuntarily groaned.

The urologist said for the assistant to give more local anesthetic and he sincerly apologized for my discomfort.

I did not feel any different after the assistant gave me more local.

The urologist continued the sample extraction.

The pressure of the needle and the click from the biopsy gun was not intimidating now.

The final sample extraction was greeted with mental fireworks of Ren & Stimpy's Happy Happy Joy Joy, and Calvin & Hobbes Happy Dance.

After I was dressed, the assistant escorted me back to the waiting room to my Dad and wife.

I immediately noticed I did not have the stereotypical comedic waddle walk.

I felt the local numbness dissolve away on the ride home.

A different numbess tried to take hold as the waiting for the results for the biopsy results began.